Funny Unix Shell Commands

Found this accidentally in my backups :) … do not remember when i originally found this.

Here is a list I compiled of UNIX commands that return witty error messages.
Some of the commands don't return the same error messages, depending upon
which OS you're running (ie SunOS, HP/UX, Ultrix, etc.). Have fun!

%make fire
Make:  Don't know how to make fire.  Stop.

% why not?
No match.

% gotta light?
No match.

% !1984
1984: Event not found.  # (on some systems)

% How's my lovemaking?
Unmatched '.

% "How would you rate Bush's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% [Where is my brain?
Missing ].

% If I had a ( for every $ Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create

% cd /tmp
% touch this; chmod 000 this
% ln -s /usr/bin/touch U
% U this
U: cannot touch this: no write permission

% rm meese-ethics
rm: meese-ethics nonexistent

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% drink  yellow_pages
yellow_pages: Is a directory

%touch me
%chmod 000 me
%touch me
touch: cannot touch me: permission denied

% ar x "my love life"
ar: my love life does not exist

% ar x "matey, the treasure"
ar: matey, the tresure does not exist

% talk Gorvachev@Kremlin
talk: Kremlin: Can't figure out network address.

% talk Comrade Khruchev
[Your party is not logged on]

make "bottle open"
make "heads or tails of all this"
make love
make mistake
make sense
man woman
man -kisses dog

% echo '[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc
GET A LIFE!

% ping elvis.rice.edu | awk '{print substr($1,1,5), $2, $3}'
elvis is alive

% finger huge-keg-party@big-house
Unknown host

% make ' ' bang ' ' with gun
make: Fatal error: Don't know how to make target ` '